One thing I have found being married to medicine is … that this is not a typical job. It is not with typical set hours and expectations.

Patients, hospitals, other health professionals, often have unrealistic expectations or preconceived notions of the “Doctor.” What it is like, how hard it is, what their role is, how they should perform daily and the list goes on.

Whether you are married, live together or apart, have children or not your spouses’, wife’s, husband’s, partner’s, boyfriend or girlfriend’s job will (most likely) come first in their life, as patient care is critical especially when they are ” on ” and in a hospital setting. It means for many of us that the partner or person living with them will come second to whatever is happening within that setting or with that patient, sometimes even when they are not even on call or working that day. Realistically it is what they sign up for and what you indirectly take on.

The big question is – does that matter? It mattered to me for many many years, and I cannot count the arguments and promises that “things will get better when ……. ” what changed was my mindset as I accepted that things don’t necessarily get better, you change though. You change to become more confident, self-contained, independent and most importantly STRONG. You go to things on your own, you have your own work or business, you get away from self-pity and move towards fulfilment and giving to your community. This is what has helped me.